Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
