YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
