I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
