Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
