I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
