He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
COCAINE IS GR8
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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