Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Randomize
