Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
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