i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
