so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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