$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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