i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
