Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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