You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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