grandma shit on top of the toilet
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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