I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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