I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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