Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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