we're blogging at a bar
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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