Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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