Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
