Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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