We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
