so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I have already put on my inside pants.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
