how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
