The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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