do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
