Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
