As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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