I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
