If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
