I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
