he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
