his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
