im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Dicks are not precious.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
