i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
