So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
