Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
