I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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