The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Randomize
