Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
