I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
