haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
