Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
