hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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