Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
