ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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