He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
