Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
