My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
